Introduction: My Story

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher~

I began studying self injury because it is something I have dealt with for five years. I've struggled with mood problems ever since I was 5 years old. I had social anxiety, tantrums, and depression.When I was 16 I began cutting and scratching but after a few months I stopped out of fear that someone would find out. At 17 my mood spun out of control and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and the self injury increased dramatically. I hide under long sleeves until I was eventually discovered and while my family and friends wanted me to stop I couldn't. It was something I had control over and I felt as if I needed it. My biggest mistake was that I didn't make an effort early enough. I have a very supportive family as well as supportive friends and they all offered to help in some way or another. I had the resources to help me stop but a fear of judgement has always caught me before I could even attempt to get better. Once I realized that the only person judging me was myself I was able to take baby steps in getting help. I've had doctors tell me what I should be doing and family telling me they hope I feel better and teachers who have gone above and beyond to help me. And yet with all of this support there are still days where I struggle to get out of bed, to do my homework, to talk to my friends, but I remind myself that there are good days and bad days and that's it's okay to have a bad day everyone has them.

I do cut. I have stopped and I have started again many times. Not a day goes by where I wish I had never picked up those scissors five years ago but the reality is that I did pick up those scissors and I did create this incredibly difficult part of my life. However I know it's not impossible to get through it. I'm still at the awkward phase between not ready to stop and ready to stop but with this blog maybe something will be a game changer for me and for others going through this phase. I'll be sharing some tips and ideas I've come across that will hopefully be beneficial to others. Overcoming self injury is a learning process and you need to try and fail a few times to really get the hang of it.

-Emily