Comfort Zones

This weekend is my brothers birthday so the two of us went to New Hampshire to visit my sister and brother in law. We went to dinner and out to the bars and it was a nice break from life. I ran into a problem with what to wear because my arms are the main issue with my self injury. I wanted to wear something with short sleeves but that would be stepping out of my comfort zone. I struggled with the decision for a while and settled on short sleeves. Why? Because I'm in the company of three people who love me and accept me. I wouldn't always make this choice but with people I trust I know I can be comfortable. Sometimes covering up is the better option but when you can catch a break savor the opportunity. We all need to step out of our comfort zones now and then even if its hard to do. Start with small things and work your way up to bigger and better things.

Building Relationships Pt. 1

When you self injure it can often be hard to build relationships for a number of reasons but it's okay. Whether you're getting into a boyfriend/girlfriend situation it can feel overwhelming to build a relationship with them. Everyone worries that their secret will get out and you won't know how the other person will react. Once they find out another question opens up, will this person be able to stick with me. From my own experiences I've learned a lot. I'm usually far too upfront with the other person, it's not intentional but my theory has always been to get everything out there and if the person sill wants to hang around they're okay. However sometimes you can meet a "fixer", a person who wants to be able to fix you're situation. I have before and it caused more stress for me than anything. Where we ran into the problem was when I would be having an episode and he would tell me that he understood and that it was okay. The problem was that he didn't understand and I wasn't okay. Some people like having someone like this and that's okay but in my own life this hasn't been a good choice.
Another problem I've had is that because I'm very unpredictable with my mood and during episodes of self injury where I don't think before my actions I often times tell the person I don't want to see them anymore and then I cut off all communication with that person. Now I understand that isn't a good choice and it's incredibly unfair to that person but it's how I've always dealt with it. I can't blame it all on mental health but I can say that having any mental health problems of any kind or severity can make it hard to have a solid relationship with other people because they don't know how you're going to feel about them the next day. So these are some tips to help out...

- Be honest
- Only tell them about your SI or mental health  problems when you're ready
- If you feel like they are crowding you or trying to "fix" you then say something and let them know to back off a bit.
- Focus on the good things (how much fun you have with them, how they make you feel)
- Don't focus on the little things that are wrong about them
- If you think you're going to not think rationally (break up with them in an instant, saying something you'll regret) stop yourself and wait until the moment passes.

Pt 2 will be posted once I think about it some more

One easy to use tool

If you're trying to stop or ease up on your self injury this is one quick, cheap, and easy to use tool. I don't know how many times I've been told by doctors to snap a rubber band on my wrist when I want to cut. I've done the rubber band trick a million times and if you give it some time you'll probably find that you're self injuring less even if it's only a little less. I however took it a step further and started writing on the rubber band so I can look at it for a little boost of support. If you want to try simply find a rubber band wide enough to write on. Take a pen or a very fine point sharpie and write something that will help keep you from self injuring. Mine says Don't Cut and on the other side it says YOU DON'T NEED IT (in all caps to get my point across to myself) because generally my excuse has always been "But I feel like I need it" when in reality that's not true. So now if I get the urge to do I simply look at my wrist and read what I wrote and then snap away. It gives just enough feeling with no marks or scars to worry about. It sort of takes self injury down a notch. This doesn't cure you of it but it's a step in the right direction.

A Tip for College

I'm in my junior year of college and there is nothing worse than feeling guilt over missing a class. The truth is, if you're not feeling well and you know you won't be comfortable in class then don't go. Email your professor and tell them you're no feeling well. That's enough for an explanation. I get terrible anxiety in the morning before class especially this morning combined with being overly tired. I think of everything I need to get caught up, tests I need to study for, meetings I have to go to, and it causes a lot of stress. Often times bad days follow a bad night usually with some form of self injury that sort of gets my anxiety going before bed and it follows me to the next day. Sometimes I can barely sit through a lecture and I will have to leave class to walk around outside for a few minutes. Other times my medications make it impossible to sit through a lecture without falling asleep on my desk. If I know I am too tired to function in the morning I don't go to class and usually this only happens when I take my medications late  the night before. I know other students go through this because I know people at my school that struggle with it. If you can afford to miss class, so you're not missing a test or a study group etc... then take a day or a few hours to yourself. Sleep, get caught up on work you're stressed over, do something to calm you down. The only way you will feel good is to spend some time on you  even if its only a couple extra hours of sleep or a hot shower. It's important for you to feel comfortable not anyone else

Tonights Example

I'm in the middle of an example to share with everyone. All day I've had the urge to self injure and at night is when things get really tough because I'm alone (usually) and my mind is sort of winding down for the night. While I get ready for bed the urge builds up and typically I would give in but tonight is different. As soon as I was about to do it I texted a friend from home. I didn't sugarcoat what I was feeling I just said it...

Me: I want to cut, it's been building up all day.
Friend: You've been so good lately.
Me: I know.
Friend: You don't need it. You know this.

His reaction was one of the few I can tolerate. What I mean by this is, often times when you approach someone in search of support they have a tendency to answer with things like "just don't do it" "you're hurting the people around you" "you're okay".  Sometimes this is because they don't fully understand and that's okay. You need to find a person you know well who you know will not talk down to you who will not judge you. Everyone has these people in their lives you just have to look. Take the time to find someone you can trust and approach them. Simply  ask them if you can call or message them any time anywhere for support. I have a handful of friends from school and from home who I can always count on. It's an amazing feeling to be in a bad mood one minute and then a great mood the next just because someone helped you through it. In my case tonight I can trust this friend, he has never talked down to me or made me feel guilty. He first reminded me of how good I've been doing which gives me a little hope that I can do it. Secondly he reminded me that I don't need it. I may want it but I don't need it. This approach is better than simply saying stop doing it. He is there for me 24/7 and I can easily tell him whats wrong. I don't approach all of my friends this way or my family. But for that select few if I tell them right away whats wrong to make it clear that I need support that is sometimes one of the best methods. Don't be afraid to speak up to someone you trust. Don't think you're bothering them or making them worry. If they care about you they won't mind you reaching out to them.

Introduction: My Story

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher~

I began studying self injury because it is something I have dealt with for five years. I've struggled with mood problems ever since I was 5 years old. I had social anxiety, tantrums, and depression.When I was 16 I began cutting and scratching but after a few months I stopped out of fear that someone would find out. At 17 my mood spun out of control and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and the self injury increased dramatically. I hide under long sleeves until I was eventually discovered and while my family and friends wanted me to stop I couldn't. It was something I had control over and I felt as if I needed it. My biggest mistake was that I didn't make an effort early enough. I have a very supportive family as well as supportive friends and they all offered to help in some way or another. I had the resources to help me stop but a fear of judgement has always caught me before I could even attempt to get better. Once I realized that the only person judging me was myself I was able to take baby steps in getting help. I've had doctors tell me what I should be doing and family telling me they hope I feel better and teachers who have gone above and beyond to help me. And yet with all of this support there are still days where I struggle to get out of bed, to do my homework, to talk to my friends, but I remind myself that there are good days and bad days and that's it's okay to have a bad day everyone has them.

I do cut. I have stopped and I have started again many times. Not a day goes by where I wish I had never picked up those scissors five years ago but the reality is that I did pick up those scissors and I did create this incredibly difficult part of my life. However I know it's not impossible to get through it. I'm still at the awkward phase between not ready to stop and ready to stop but with this blog maybe something will be a game changer for me and for others going through this phase. I'll be sharing some tips and ideas I've come across that will hopefully be beneficial to others. Overcoming self injury is a learning process and you need to try and fail a few times to really get the hang of it.

-Emily

How This Blog Came To Be

Last winter I was taking a class at my college and we were asked to create a blog as an ethnography. My idea was to observe a Facebook page about self injury and interview page members about their experiences. The blog focused mainly on the effects of self injury on the body and the mind and I ended it with a final conclusion in May 2012. I never thought I would eventually have over 14,000 views on a project that only lasted a few months. I have no way of telling if it helped people or not, my goal was to be as informative as possible and I never had any intentions of people other than my class reading my posts. I do however know that some of the content may have been triggering because even for me it was at times hard to discuss.

This blog is different. From my own experiences I know that self injury is not an easy thing to overcome however I have learned ways to help me cope and safer alternatives. There is no one answer that will lead you to recovery and nothing happens overnight. By looking at other peoples experiences as well as my own we can find ways to help those struggling with self injury find healthy alternatives and forms of coping. Not everyone is ready to stop but even then there are small steps you can take to help you feel better day by day. I hope this blog will help those who need it and will provide a space where people can help one another.

-Emily