A Reason To Stop

I've found a new reason to stop. Recently I've started talking to a new "friend". One day it might be a relationship but right now it's a friendship that I don't want to break. He knows I'm bipolar and he knows that I'm working on stopping my self injury. When I told him about the self injury I told him it wasn't a big deal and that I'm trying to stop. His reaction was not one I've come across before. He immediately said "This is a very big deal but thank you for not sugar coating it". He explained to me that he had bad experiences with friends who self injured but that he also didn't understand self injury. I gave him a quick crash course in what it meant to me and what my situation is. He was rather upset with the fact that I do it but he was happy that I'm aware of the fact that its not a good thing to do and that I'm stopping. So I've decided that if I want to keep a friendship or relationship with this person I'm going to have to work really hard to stop cutting.

I know this is a pretty specific situation but I know a lot of people have probably had a somewhat similar problem. When you meet new people, spilling your guts usually isn't the best hello you can give them. I took my time in telling him so I wouldn't scare him away, but I had to tell him before he found out on his own. My best advice is, if the person cares about you in any way they will accept the fact that you have a mental disorder or that you self injure but only tell them when you're ready. You have to be comfortable with yourself before being comfortable with someone else.

Relying on others

When we find people who we can easily talk to about our problems especially self injury it's easy to rely on them a little too much. Asking them for help and support is a great thing to do but be sure to step back and ask yourself if you're putting too much pressure on them. I've been the other person before and I know what it feels like to have a lot on your shoulders. Friends and family want to help you but try to work through the little things on your own and when things get tough ask for help. It's good practice to get you used to solving your problems on your own. Just remember to think of the other person and how much weight is on their shoulders, you don't want them to be stressed or to worry about you. I'm in this situation at the moment with a couple friends and I realized what I was doing and I stopped myself and worked through my issue on my own. Don't be afraid to ask for support that's one of my big rules, if you need someone then go for it. But if it's something you think you can work out on your own then give it a shot, its worth trying.

Too much time on your hands

While we are often loaded with work, meetings, endless tasks we do sometimes find a gap where we have little or nothing to do. Right now I'm sitting in my room staring at a computer with internet tabs open to Facebook, my email, and Blogger. I've checked all three about 30 times each in the past 20 minutes. Why? Because I have no work to do. Meetings are done, advising for my spring schedule was earlier, I have no homework, and my presentation is finished. For the average self injurer free time can be both good and bad. Good because you have time to relax, catch up on your favorite tv show, or read a book. Bad because having free time can give you time to engage in whatever form of self injury you do. Everyone says, distract yourself and you'll be fine. Well honestly that only works for some people and I understand that friends and family are just trying to help but it takes a little more than distractions for some of us. It is true that playing a game of cards, challenging yourself to sudoku, or watching tv can help because I know from experience that it can. If you have a friend or some family nearby and you want to hang out with them or talk with them then go for it! For those of us who need a little extra push to stay away from our "habit" it can help to tell someone what you're thinking. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to be with them face to face but even a text or a message on Facebook or a phone call to a friend. What I do is say "Hey I'm having a bad night I don't have anything to do and I want to cut". Straight forward, don't tip toe around the topic. I only say this to someone who knows me very well and won't freak out and call 911. One of my friends always knows how to talk to me and it doesn't take much. The point of this is to have someone else be aware of whats going on. This sort of puts a little note in the back of your mind saying "You're not alone in this moment, someone is right there with you and you don't want to let them down" Call it a positive guilt trip. They're not telling you do it for them but part of me always knows that the other person is sort of involved now and that I'm not alone. It's a little confusing but when the time comes to try it you'll understand what I mean

TWLOHA

I think most people have heard of this organization To Write Love On Her Arms created to spread awareness for self injury, mental illness, addiction, and suicide. Sometimes when I'm having a bad night I go on youtube and find the "story" that inspired TWLOHA narrated by founder Jamie. This organization was created to tell a story of a friend suffering from addiction and self injury. When a rehab center labeled her too great a risk at the time of admittance a group of friends held a 5 day detox for her in the safety of their arms. They took her to concerts, a basketball game, treated her like a princess. She went to rehab and to support her while she was there her friends made tee shirts and sold them at concerts. TWLOHA is now known all over the world and is supported by musicians and actors everywhere. They offer support and resources on their website and they speak at colleges and events worldwide. I find a sense of comfort when I read the blog they offer and when I watch the interviews they post. I highly recommend visiting their website or buying a tee shirt. This is the story that started it all.

Write It Down

It's never easy for me to pin point my triggers. Sometimes it's easier to say I don't know but that doesn't help you in the long run. Instead, I find it helpful to write it down. Whether you're having a panic attack, an episode of self injury, mood swings, or anxiety you should write down what happened can be a big help in finding your triggers. Documenting the details of before, during, and after your episode on a daily basis or however often they occur can help you identify your triggers.
After writing down a few details from my episodes I was able to see that some of my triggers for self injury are stress and being alone for long periods of time. Now when I feel myself getting stressed I can try to stop myself before I turn to self injury. When I know I'm going to be alone I try to arrange to go home for the weekend or see my friends for a night. It takes time to find your triggers so give it a chance to work and you'll be surprised.
You can record your information in a notebook or online at https://www.facingus.org/ it's a really great site I use it all the time. One of my professors showed it to me and I highly recommend it to everyone.